An Alcoholic’s Daughter

An alcoholic’s daughter? Yup, that is me!


I don’t know why you tear me up inside

I don’t know why you seem to not understand

I don’t know when you became one of them

Nor do I know how to make you come out of the den


But why me, why me and not someone else?

It could be her, it could be him, but no, you chose it to be me

Your lonely target I was, intentional it may not have been

Unintentionally let it be, but I was the target you had thought it should be


Was it my mistake that you be my father?

Behind bars should I be for being the daughter of a man like you?

Guilt should overshadow me, or sin bewilder my head for wanting you to live

Life if it took, I would fight death itself to have you by my side


The daughter of an alcoholic, yes that is me

Whose fault is it that I am at the centre of

My mistake? I don’t know, rectify it I would if I could

But nothing was my choice but pure chance


Why this much love father, why this much

Too much I see it is, hurting to hold on

I wish I could let go and fly to the skies

But I am bound by a restriction now called affection


The time I saw you fall head over heels to the ground

That was the day that my inner conscience was shattered

Broken into too many bits and pieces it was too hard to find

Letting go was easier than searching low and high!


I was lost that day, lost forever

The glass of dreams that I had engrossed myself in had been shattered

My world slipped away right under my feet

Too quick like sand through my fingers


How could you foul-mouth me? Is it proof of pure love?

I wish I knew, I could have answered the breaking barrier of innocence

Were you not supposed to be the man I ran to when in need?

Then how could you forget that you were my inner strength


As a child I remember spending long hours trying to imagine

Trying to fool myself that it was all a play rehearsal

It was my mother and sister that you raised your hand at

You should have known better, after all I was only a little one


Running away I would have if I could

But mum’s pain was too much that it overshadowed mine I guess

Who was she going through all this for? After all I was one reason holding her back

Why this much pain, stop hurting us, we don’t want to live in this constant vein


Come out of it now, now it must be

Any later, then there is no need for turning back

For once when you will turn if not now, nothing will remain, even the trail

Let it go, it is a demon, eating not only you but us from within


Give us some peace, at least now give it to us

Learn that without you there is no happiness for us

Understand your importance, we are tired of explaining

Come back and be the rise of the sun, bringing with you the rays of joy

 

By Aishwarya

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