The Morning Sun
The morning sun
There are few things that bring me a true sense of peace.
The sounds of the ocean crashing against the shore.
The smell of freshly cut grass
The feeling of soft fur
The taste of milk chocolate
The sight of the sun rising
That was until I found you.
We loved and laughed and fought.
It was intense and innocent
The way the sun shinned in your honey brown eyes.
The feeling of your warm hand brushing the hair out of my eyes, tucking it behind my ears.
You loved it when I pushed your glasses back up your nose
Or how I left sticky notes for you to find after rough days when I couldn’t be there
…
When it was dark out, so early in the morning that everyone was still sleeping,
You’d knock on my door
You didn’t know but I was always up, waiting for you to knock. I knew you were up, and I couldn’t sleep knowing you were hurting.
As we sat by the aquarium, watching the fish. You held my hand.
Fingers intertwined.
My hands are always warm, you loved that.
Just as the sun was about to rise we would walk over to the park by our favourite coffee place and watch.
I watched the warm sun heat up your cold skin,
I watched as your honey brown eyes lit up, your eyelashes casting shadows on your pale complexion.
You watched me shut my eyes, head tilted up to the sky, soak in the sun.
The smells of eucalyptus, cars and crisp city air swirled together to remind us of home.
The sounds of magpies, trams and pedestrian crossings grounded us.
The feeling of the cool fog, soft ground and warm sun sending sparks through our skin.
This was peace.
…
The day the universe took you, the sun didn’t rise.
There was no warmth, no smells, no sights. Only the sounds were of my blood rushing and my lungs grasping desperately for air.
I didn’t think anything would change,
Never again would I feel like that.
…
Days turned to weeks.
Months turned to years.
And even though I still cry on your anniversary,
Still grieve on your birthday,
At some point I began to move on.
Somehow I began to breathe
I crawled
I walked
And now I run.
…
Some days I wake up early, walk outside to the soft ground, shut my eyes and turn my head up to meet the rising sun.
And in those moments,
I know you’re here with me
I run for you and I run for me.
I run to catch those moments we never got
I run to chase those dreams we shared
I run to remind myself that I live for both of us.
Because you died for both of us.
Love always
- Z